As the claps get closer, I feel the panic rising, my heart races, and my body revolts. With each new clap, I’m dragged backward in time. I try to stop the fall. I kick and scream, flailing my arms out, but I’m not able to hold on to the here and now. I don’t want to go back there.

Then, in a moment of bitterness and anger, I just became weary of it all. I made a conscious choice and whispered the words “take captive my thoughts.”

Your life is forever intertwined with the person you are caring for. If you’ve been one or are one, you know exactly what I mean. Being a caregiver can be a whole other type of hell.

The trust involved with handling these big ole’ bowling pins getting tossed in the air heading straight for the bridge of my delicate nose or my one of a kind smile. 

This transformation in me probably makes no sense to some, is hard to fathom, and goes against our very human nature. I truly do understand that and the difficulty of reading what I am writing about.

I managed to be perfectly still. I knew our lives that night depended on that stillness. His anger and agitation were palatable in the air.

This unexpected answer led me to explore my talent wholeheartedly, and my daughter jumped right into this world of crazy with me.

Her death saved my life, but despite what any many think, I have forgiven her & love her. Growing up was difficult, to say the least, and very confusing at times because she was a Christian. I grew up reading the Bible, praying, knowing there was a God, and understanding many concepts in the Bible.