When You Feel Like You’ve Failed God and Yourself - Shame Is Not How God Works.

Gary L Ellis
Jun 7
3 min read

Updated: Jun 18

Restoring hope and strength.

Can we face some facts? Sometimes, it hits you like a freight train you never saw coming — that moment when you realize you haven’t just stumbled, you’ve faceplanted.

You didn’t just mess up a little. You feel like you’ve failed God. And in the process, you’ve failed yourself too.

You think: “I should know better by now.”“How did I end up here again?”“God must be so disappointed in me.”

Here’s what I want to encourage you with today:

You haven’t ruined everything. You’re not beyond grace.

Shame Is Not How God Works

Let’s start here: Shame is a liar. It doesn’t convict you, it crushes you. And that’s not how God works.

Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Not less condemnation. Not postponed condemnation. No condemnation.

When we mess up, it’s easy to believe the voice that says we’ve crossed some invisible line God won’t forgive. But that voice isn’t God. That’s fear. That’s toxic religion.

Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber once said, “God’s grace is not defined by our faithfulness but by God’s.” How about I say that again:

“God’s grace is not defined by our faithfulness but by God’s.”

God’s grace isn’t rationed out according to your performance. It flows because of who He is.

You Are Not the Exception

Moses killed a man. David abused his power and committed adultery. Peter denied Jesus three times — publicly.

And yet God stayed with them. Worked through them. Loved them.

You are not the exception to grace. You are the reason grace exists.

Restoration Isn’t a Reset Button

Here’s where it gets gritty. Restoration doesn’t mean you go back to how things were. It means God builds something deeper. Stronger. Truer.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

If you’re crushed right now, God is close. Not distant. Not arms crossed, waiting for you to shape up.

He’s Close.

Restoration looks like God sitting with you in the ashes and saying, “We’re not done yet. I still have plans for you.”

Stop Trying to Earn What’s Already Yours

You can’t hustle your way back into God’s good graces. That’s religion, not relationship. And frankly, it’s exhausting.

Richard Rohr puts it bluntly: “We cannot attain the presence of God. We’re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness.”

What restores you is not doing more.It’s seeing clearer.

You’re already loved. Already held. Already wanted.

What to Do When You Feel Too Far Gone

So what now? When you feel like you’ve failed too big, too often, too publicly?

1. Stop hiding. Bring it into the light. Pray the ugly prayers. Say the hard things to God. He’s not scandalized. He’s your Father, not your probation officer.

2. Stay in community. Don’t isolate. Shame festers in silence. Call someone. Text a friend. Find a someone who can hold space without judging.

3. Speak scripture over yourself. Not as a magic trick, but as truth therapy. Try Isaiah 43:1, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

4. Get honest about what led here. God doesn’t demand perfection, but He invites clarity. Were you burnt out? Wounded? Afraid? God wants your truth, not your filter.

5. Look for the rebuild. This isn’t the end. Restoration is real. Redemption is active. Your failure isn’t a dead end; it’s a doorway.

You Haven’t Blown It

Hear this clearly: You haven’t blown it. Not with God. Not in the way that counts. You might feel broken, but broken things in God’s hands become blessings.

You don’t climb out of failure.You get carried.

That’s the gospel. Not that we find our way back to God, but that He always, always comes for us.