Dear Diary Moment: I’m Struggling, But You Know What?

It’s ok, you can be both human and a Christian at the same time.

So, lately I’ve been struggling bad. Pain, job, household, marriage, finances, you know that whole human experience we get to live with and sometimes get too much of.

Something keeps coming up throughout this rough patch, and I want to share it because I believe it would help believers and non-believers alike.

Christians, it is high time for you to be human and get off any pedestals you have set up, and remove any pulpits you may have placed in front of yourself. It’s time to be real, share your messy, crazy, and sometimes awful moments.

This last week has been hell for me for a number of reasons, but I didn’t hide it, nor did I think God loved me any less.

I feel His hand working, I feel His peace surrounding me, I hear Him talking to me and guiding me, but I won’t lie, it’s been rough lately with so many things piling up on my plate and it sucks.

I’m in a place of needing to completely surrender to Him, and my flesh is fighting me. I want to hold on and control. I know that’s illogical because I don’t actually control my future, God does, but yet here I am.

A faithful and very imperfect follower of Jesus, struggling like a fish out of water right now.

And you know what?

It doesn’t make me any less.

I lead a women's group, and you’d think as a leader, I’d have this mindset that I have to have it together, or that I have to show my “best side” at all times in order to show my faith.

Nope.

I show my faith by being real, not lying to others, myself, or God.

As a leader, I show by example. I talk about my striving, my prayers, my emotions, and my struggles. I do not put a mask on my face and make others feel they are somehow not “Christian enough” when they struggle.

Christians, I plead, get off your high horses and be real, share your storms, tell the world how God is helping you, talk about what you are feeling, and how wonderful it feels to know that even in your storm, you are loved!

Non-believers are watching you, they see what you do.

We are to bring them to the table of God, but how can we do that when we hide behind the Christian label and pretend we are better or perfect because we have God?

The best times I connect with someone are when I am real.

I never pretend I am perfect, I never pretend that I don’t carry scars from my past, and I also never pretend God has never corrected me.

Tell them about the peace and joy in the midst of your hurricane, that only God can bring. People need hope, they need to see by example.

Right now, I am struggling, I am in pain, sometimes severe, I don’t know what the future is holding for me as I wait for an MRI. I am taking care of my daughter during this pain, and worried about an email we had to send today calling out my daughter’s disability program consultant.

I am human, I’ve been crying at times, with intrusive, tiring thoughts, and maybe even dealing with a little bit of situational depression on top of surgical menopause having a hayday in my body.

And you know what?

I’m here right now telling you I am alive in Christ. I feel peace and confidence that God’s got this. This storm will pass, and when it does, I’ll be standing on firm ground with God at my side, because how can I not possibly believe after everything I have been through and survived?

© Jane Isley