What Jesus-Style Neighboring Actually Looks Like

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You know those Christians who are really good at being Christians but really bad at being humans?

They know every Bible verse about holiness, but can’t have a normal conversation with their coworker who drinks.

They post Scripture about love while judging their neighbor’s lifestyle choices.

They attend every church service but can’t be bothered to learn their actual neighbor’s name.

They’re so focused on being “set apart” that they’ve forgotten how to be present. So committed to avoiding worldly influence that they’ve lost all worldly relevance.

These Christians aren’t bad people.

They’re often sincere, devoted believers who genuinely want to honor God. But somewhere along the way, they confused biblical holiness with social isolation. They started believing that the best way to influence culture is to avoid it entirely.

The result? They’ve become exactly the kind of people Jesus spent His ministry criticizing.

“Separate and Holy”….While Killing Christian Credibility

If we’re honest with ourselves, our churches have often taught us this through their actions:

“The more separated you are from worldly people, the more holy you are.”

What a load of rubbish.

This toxic teaching suggests that spiritual maturity is measured by how little you associate with sinners. It implies that good Christians create walls between themselves and anyone who doesn’t share their faith or lifestyle choices.

Churches reinforce this by creating Christian bubbles where believers only socialize with other believers, only shop at Christian businesses, only consume Christian media, and only send their kids to Christian schools.

The goal becomes building a holy fortress where you can be spiritual without being contaminated by the world.

I’m as guilty as the next Pharisee when it comes to this. When I first got saved, in the months after, I cut off so many people, burned so many bridges, and honestly just did the most in my search for purity. Now, some were indeed needed, but I can without a doubt say that I did go overboard with it.

But this approach has a massive theological problem: Jesus did the exact opposite.

What Jesus Actually Did With Sinners

Jesus didn’t avoid sinners. He sought them out.

He didn’t just tolerate their presence. He enjoyed their company.

He didn’t lecture them about their lifestyle choices. He loved them as they were.

Jesus ate with tax collectors. These were people who betrayed their own countrymen for profit. They were considered traitors and thieves. And Jesus chose to have dinner with them regularly.

Jesus befriended prostitutes. He didn’t condemn their profession or demand they change before He would associate with them. He defended them against religious leaders and showed them dignity.

Jesus hung out with drunkards. So much so that the Pharisees accused Him of being a drunkard Himself. His reputation was damaged by the company He kept, and He didn’t care.

Jesus attended parties thrown by sinners. He didn’t just show up for evangelism purposes.

He celebrated with people whose lifestyles violated religious standards.

The religious leaders were scandalized. They couldn’t understand how someone claiming to represent God could be so casual about hanging around people who clearly didn’t represent God.

Sound familiar?

Why Modern Christians Avoid What Jesus Embraced

Fear of contamination. Many Christians believe that spending time with non-believers will somehow pollute their faith or tempt them into sin. They treat faith like it’s fragile instead of transformative.

Fear of appearance. Christians worry about what other believers will think if they’re seen associating with the “wrong” people. They prioritize religious reputation over relational ministry.

Fear of compromise. They assume that loving sinners means approving of sin. They can’t distinguish between accepting people and endorsing behavior.

Comfort in Christian culture. It’s easier to stay in environments where everyone shares your values, speaks your language, and validates your beliefs. Engaging with different people requires emotional energy and intellectual flexibility.

Misunderstanding of holiness. They think holiness means moral purity achieved through isolation. They don’t realize that biblical holiness is moral purity maintained through engagement with the Holy Spirit.

The Pharisee Problem in Modern Christianity

The Pharisees were the “good Christians” of Jesus’ day. They were theologically correct, morally upright, and religiously committed. They knew Scripture, followed rules, and maintained high standards.

They were also Jesus’ biggest critics.

Because they had turned faith into a performance designed to impress God and other religious people. They had created a system where spiritual success was measured by moral superiority and social separation.

Sound familiar?

Modern Christianity has a Pharisee problem. We’ve created a culture where being a “good Christian” often means:

• Avoiding certain people rather than loving difficult people

• Judging cultural trends rather than understanding cultural needs

• Maintaining religious traditions rather than building authentic relationships

• Protecting church reputation rather than serving community needs

• Creating Christian alternatives rather than engaging secular spaces

  
  

We’ve become so committed to being right that we’ve forgotten how to be loving.

What Jesus Actually Said About Being In The World

“I do not pray that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from evil” (John 17:15).

Jesus specifically asked God NOT to remove Christians from the world. He wanted His followers engaged with the world while being protected from its corrupting influence.

“You are the salt of the earth… You are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:13–14).

Salt only works when it’s mixed into food. Light only matters when it’s shining in darkness. Both metaphors require proximity and engagement, not separation and isolation.

“Go into all the world and preach the gospel” (Mark 16:15).

The Great Commission wasn’t “Wait for the world to come to church.” It was “Go where the world already is.”

Jesus’ model was incarnational, not isolational. God didn’t save the world by staying in heaven and demanding that people come to Him. He came to earth and lived among the people He wanted to reach.

How Good Christians Become Terrible Neighbors

They prioritize theological correctness over relational connection. They’re more concerned with having the right beliefs than building genuine friendships.

They judge lifestyle choices instead of addressing real needs. They notice what people do wrong more than they notice what people need.

They offer religious solutions to practical problems. Instead of helping with tangible needs, they immediately jump to spiritual advice that feels irrelevant or judgmental.

They treat relationships as evangelism projects. Every interaction has an agenda. They can’t just be friends without trying to convert.

They withdraw when people don’t respond to their message. If neighbors aren’t interested in church or spiritual conversations, these Christians often distance themselves instead of maintaining the relationship.

They create an “us vs. them” mentality. They talk about “the world” like it’s enemy territory instead of a mission field filled with people God loves.

What Jesus-Style Neighboring Actually Looks Like

Be genuinely interested in people’s lives without having an agenda. Ask about their work, their family, and their interests. Care about what they care about.

Meet practical needs before addressing spiritual needs. Help with moving, babysit their kids, bring food during illness, and offer assistance during emergencies.

Participate in community activities without requiring Christian alternatives. Attend neighborhood events, join community groups, and engage with local issues.

Build friendships that aren’t dependent on shared beliefs. Enjoy people for who they are, not for their potential to become Christians.

Defend people when they’re being judged by other Christians. Be the Christian who speaks up for the neighbor others are criticizing.

Live in a way that makes people curious about your peace and joy. Let your different lifestyle attract questions rather than create barriers.

Love consistently, whether people are interested in faith or not. Your kindness shouldn’t be contingent on their spiritual openness.

The Revolutionary Idea That Christians Are FOR People

Here’s what non-Christians need to experience from Christians: unconditional love from people who don’t need anything from them.

Most people assume Christians are nice to them because they want to convert them. They expect the relationship to change if they show no interest in faith.

But what if Christians loved their neighbors so genuinely that their love remained constant regardless of spiritual response?

What if Christians became known as the people you could count on during a crisis, whether you believed like them or not?

What if Christians were the first people you thought of when you needed help, because you knew they would help without lecturing you?

What if Christians were so genuinely interested in your life that you felt valued as a person, not as a conversion project?

This kind of love is revolutionary. It’s also exactly what Jesus demonstrated.

Your Neighborhood Is Your Mission Field

Stop waiting for your neighbors to come to church. Start going to your neighbors.

Stop judging their lifestyle choices. Start serving their practical needs.

Stop avoiding them because they’re different. Start learning from them because they’re different.

Stop trying to fix their spiritual problems. Start being present in their real problems.

Good Christians don’t make terrible neighbors because they care too much about faith. They make terrible neighbors because they care too little about people.

But when Christians love their neighbors the way Jesus loved sinners, something amazing happens. People start asking questions about the source of that love. They become curious about a faith that produces such genuine care.

They stop seeing Christianity as a judgment system and start seeing it as a love system.

And that’s when real evangelism happens. Not through arguments or invitations, but through relationships. Not by being separate from the world, but by being different within the world.

Your neighbors don’t need you to be a better Christian. They need you to be a better human.

The kind of human Jesus was when He walked among people who desperately needed to know they were loved.

How would your relationship with your neighbors change if you approached them the way Jesus approached sinners? What practical needs could you meet without expecting anything spiritual in return?

© Ashneil