The Church Alone Can’t Disciple Our Kids (And What Parents Must Do)

Photo by Kimberly Farmer on Unsplash

I’ve volunteered with children and youth ministries for more than a decade, and in that time, I’ve been able to observe hundreds of parents through the eyes of their students.

Something became glaringly obvious to me one evening when, during small group time, a student was unable to answer a very simple question — “Who is Jesus?”

This was not a student who had walked through the church doors for the first time or was uncomfortable speaking in front of a small group.

Rather, this student had grown up in the church, had parents who were highly involved in the church, and was one of the first ones on the list to attend every youth camp and activity offered.

This was a student who had spent years at church, learning about Jesus, yet couldn’t manage to come up with a response to the most basic question about our Savior.

That day, it became unquestioningly clear to me that it is not the responsibility of the church to disciple. Discipleship is on the parents.

What is Church for?

Don’t hear what I’m not saying. Attending a local church as a family and making sure our kids are plugged in to the body of believers is vital to our faith.

At church, we fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ, participate in corporate worship & teaching, and offer encouragement to one another.

Church is the place we find people to do life with, to minister to, and to grow with. Without it, we’d become spiritually malnourished as believers.

However, it is not the sole responsibility of the church to disciple our kids. Discipleship starts at home and includes going to church, but it is not only about going to church.

Look at it this way — if a person attends church regularly, this is roughly what their weekly schedule might look like:

• Sunday School: 1 hour

• Sunday worship service: 1 hour

• Sunday night service: 1 hour

• Wednesday night service: 1 hour

  
  

When you factor in time for other activities at church, such as worship, announcements, and socializing, there’s little teaching time left (maybe 20–30 minutes each time). A lot of churches don’t offer Sunday night services anymore, either, so there’s potentially another chunk of time missed.

All things considered, we’re looking at an average of 80 minutes per week that students could be exposed to the word of God in a formal church setting. That’s just shy of an hour and a half at best. At worst, we’re talking less than an hour.

This is why I say: the church is not designed to disciple our kids.

At least, not on its own. Church is designed for us to meet together with a local body of believers for encouragement and Bible teaching. It equips and empowers us to go and make disciples, and that includes our kids.

I don’t write this to shame anyone, but rather to offer a wake-up call or an encouraging nudge to all parents — we have to be teaching our children the Word of God at home. It simply isn’t optional.

If we don’t teach them what Jesus said, the world will. And the world will get it wrong every time. We see that often.

What does Scripture Say?

Don’t take my word for it — I’m just a random person on the internet. What does the Word say about it?

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. — Deuteronomy 11:18–21

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.— Ephesians 6:4

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. — Proverbs 22:6

Parents are responsible for training and teaching their children in the way of the Lord. It’s a weighty responsibility that we can’t take lightly.

I look at my son often and think about the fact that if he chooses to get married and have a family someday, it means I’m currently shaping the habits, beliefs, and worldview of someone’s husband and father.

Christian parents, we are not simply in the business of raising the next generation of adults. We are in the business of bringing up the next generation of disciples.

© Stephanie M

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