Guard Your Heart

Shield up, thoughts down, as you thump to this

I think it wise to guard our hearts, not only because the Christian God says that the very issues of life flow from it, but also because emotions can join in and then our senses will shred that sucker to pieces.

Think I’m kidding?

I wish.

My mind is my favorite place. There I can imagine all sorts of things. Wild and exciting things, treacherous and unimaginative realities, horrors beyond any blood-soaked limitation, I can do it all. I can be it all, but what I find most fascinating is the ability to connect with words.

Words are fantastic!

They carry healing, but they can also whip. I’ve experienced the euphoria and harrow of both. I have endured the brutality of being called things I am not. I have been exposed far too young and far too often that finding a holy, sacred balance between the intense desires to share the enormity of what’s unfolding in my mind versus removing the shackles of a frost-bitten past can be extremely difficult.

Yet I push, and I push, and I push because I want a very large space to be. Call it overcompensation for decades trapped beneath a pile of rubble, but no part of me wants to slow down. But, then I hear a whisper.

Caution.

Because it is my heart speaking, the overflow of a river being made pure, and who’s to tell where that may lead. It’s terrifying, yet more so exhilarating. The curiosity unleashed; what if I can finally do it?

What if I can finally break free from me?

What if I can loose all of my inhibitions?

What if I can un-tether the deepest, darkest, most perplexing parts of my soul?

Will there be anyone left to entertain?

Will I have gone too far?

Unraveled too fast, and instead spooked everyone away?

I may, and it’s a deeply perplexing thing, but it feels too good to stop. To want to simply find out, how much guarding have I’ve been doing? Is it in a fashion that does not honor the Christian God, instead dims my light?

What if what I’ve assumed is guarding is really hiding? And what if I’m ready to connect mind, body and soul?

Will the world be ready to catch me?

Perhaps… But the world is so fickle.

No, it will never do.

I think more so, my mind should stay fixed on my Savior, the Author and Finisher of my Faith. The beauty of Who He is far more captivating than any of my five senses have beheld, albeit they’ve beheld much.

I am sooo eccentric. Lol. 😆

But, every day, more and more, I am learning to not be ashamed of that, but to fully embrace it and run with it for the simple reason to just become all that I am destined to become. And I’ve learned I can not do that by throwing pieces of me away.

I can only accomplish this completeness I desire, by willingly giving pieces of me away.

I have been told many times that I am too much, and I get it now, more than ever, light makes darkness very uncomfortable. I did not come to this conclusion through observation. I speak from the recesses of my own mind, not yours. Yet, I remain resolute.

Guard your heart, sure, but as I learn to let more light out, and more of your light in, I will enjoy the pour.

Every layer exposed, heart laid bare, yet simultaneously guarded because innocence is as unfamiliar to me as righteousness.

Neither never at my hand to give.

© Freshly Squeezed Chronicles