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When Positive Self-Talk Tells You It’s OK to Silence Parents of Child Survivors

  • Writer: Guest Writer
    Guest Writer
  • 5 hours ago
  • 3 min read

Churches Silencing Abuse Survivors

Recently, a church in Tennessee, Fellowship Bible Church went to court to maintain a non-

disclosure agreement that silenced the parents of a child who was sexually abused. The church states on their website: “Join a welcoming church family committed to following Jesus and helping others do the same.”


The attorney representing the church, Allan Hall, is also a member of a Bible-believing church, volunteers at a homeless shelter, and has served as director of the shelter. The church lost, and the survivor and his family are thankfully free to disclose their experience and find the healing the church and attorney tried to deny them.


How Churches Rationalize Silence

Somewhere there is a huge disconnect when a church and a Christian attorney can work to

silence the parents of a survivor of child sexual abuse. This silencing is known to be destructive, and John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.” What is happening here?


I have not interviewed the church leadership or Mr. Hall, but am willing to grant that they most likely conduct themselves honorably and even with love in other ways. However, they appear to be able to rationalize silencing these parents. Perhaps they said to themselves, with positive self-talk, “You’re a good person.” Or: “These people suing to disclose sexual abuse would disturb our good ministry.”



None of us can know what the church leaders were thinking. What they said to the Tennessean was, "We respect the family’s privacy and will continue to do all we can to honor them in this matter." They really did say they were trying to honor the family by going to court to keep an NDA in force that silenced the parents.


Accountability Done Right

Broadmoor Baptist Church made a very different choice. On their website, there is a document entitled ‘Addressing Our Past’ that describes the abuse of a minor by a former youth leader. The church chose to support the survivor and offered to pay her legal expenses for breaking her NDA with him. In Luke 4, Jesus announces to the world that he is anointed to set people free. Jesus did this, at a cost. Broadmoor Baptist Church did this, at a cost. Fellowship Bible church tried to bind a child survivor’s parents to silence.


The mother involved in the Tennessee case said (The Tennessean), “I read the Bible, I know what it says the rules and responsibilities of the church are,” she said. “It’s to protect the sheep. To lay down their lives for the sheep. I feel like, in a way, I have stepped into a place that the shepherds of the church should have done in the first place.”


Integrity Beyond Good Intentions

There is an important lesson for all of us here. Integrity, obedience to the word of God, and basic human decency are limited to what you cannot rationalize. That means engaging in some tough thinking that holds on to truth, even when it is not comfortable. It means keeping a clear conscience every day, before the scandal strikes.


In I Timothy 1:18-19, Paul gives his son in the faith an important word: Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well, holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith.



Also By Robert Leland:

📖 Biblical Teaching on the Misuse of NDAs: Part 1 — What Scripture reveals about silencing, reconciliation, and speaking truth.


📖 Biblical Teaching on the Misuse of NDAs: Part 2 — Church leadership, faithfulness, and why institutional rationalization contradicts God's standards.


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