The Holy Art of Losing Your Mind

"How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me."

Psalm 13 is a difficult prayer. If you have ever felt like God is absent or silent, it is a guide for the soul.

1. Bring God Your Unfiltered Heart

David asks, “How long will You forget me? Forever?”

These words do not seem to line up with what David knows about God. David knows God is faithful and present. But when he is in pain, what he knows and what he feels do not match.

David doesn’t give God a polished, Sunday-morning version of himself. He gives God the truth of his experience. Sincere honesty is always better than empty correctness. This is something that I still struggle with.

Even now, I find myself mid-prayer trying to “edit” my thoughts to make them sound more scripturally sound. I’ll start to tell God I feel abandoned, and then I’ll immediately correct myself: “But I know you’re always with me, so I shouldn’t say that…” I treat prayer like a theological exam I’m afraid of failing.

But I’m learning that while theology is meant to be meditated on and reflected on (it is the anchor for the mind), the heart is meant to be poured out.

When I am standing before God, He doesn’t want a lecture on His own attributes; He wants the raw, jagged truth of my perspective.

2. Trust Doesn’t Always Feel Like Confidence

We often picture trust as calm confidence. Psalm 13 shows that trust can look like holding on when everything inside wants to let go.

David turns from fear to hope within the same breath: “Will you forget me forever?” then immediately“ But I trust in Your unfailing love.”

This is not a sudden emotional change. It is a decision. David is reminding himself of what is true because his feelings are lying to him.

Trust is not the absence of fear. Trust is choosing God while fear is still present. If you are still praying, even if those prayers are accusations, you are trusting. After all, you don’t scream at a God you don’t believe is there.

3. Joy is a Protest, Not a Feeling

The psalm ends with David singing. This does not mean his situation has changed. The enemy he fears is still real.

David’s joy isn’t a reaction to a solved problem; it’s a protest against his circumstances. He rejoices in salvation. It’s the one thing the world didn’t give him and the one thing the silence can’t take away.

Your joy is not found in a change of scenery. It’s found in the fact that your soul has already been rescued, even if your body is still in the dark.

© Mikiyas Astatke