My Wilderness Story: Finding God Through Solitude and Loss

Donkeys are mentioned approximately 140 times in the Bible, appearing primarily in the Old Testament (about 133 times) as symbols of service, peace, and humility. Notable mentions include Abraham’s journey, Balaam’s talking donkey, Samson’s weapon, and Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. (AI overview) 

Over grilled cheese sandwiches accompanied by season-salted French fries with my Buddhist friend, she asked , “Why do you believe in a God who created an imperfect world with imperfect people?” 

I’m actually paraphrasing her question, but that was the gist of it, as she expressed concerns about all the things going wrong with human bodies, including the suffering her precious young daughter is currently enduring from an unknown (TBD) autoimmune disorder.

Truth be told, I’ve had a few “by-the-grace-of-God” and “come-to-Jesus” moments in my life.  As a result, I now know down deep in the marrow of my bones that Jesus “double-imputed” in my heart and soul, taking all of my past, present, and future sins onto the cross, simultaneously in exchange for His presence abiding in my heart forever. 

I am never alone.

Grateful for each miraculous breath of life I get in my lungs. 

I do my very best not to roll my eyes or outwardly cringe when I hear fellow Christians answer questions like my friend’s inquiry about why our good God would allow bad things to happen to “good” people, with “It’s a fallen world, so the Earth and everyone on it is flawed since the fall of man, with Adam’s original sin” or something along those lines. 

But the only other explanation I can offer you is that pain is the touchstone to all spiritual growth. This has certainly been the truth for my life. More suffering equals more growth, which brings us to my wilderness story. 

Shortly after divorce, on the heels of a 27.5 year long marriage filled with love, laughter, joy, infidelity, addiction, pain, and suffering, WE (planet Earth) entered The Pandemic era. 

Everything shut down. 

In the year prior to the unexpected global lockdown, I had been living in a small rental downtown after moving out from what had previously been my marital residence for almost the same number of years as the marriage. 

After making the non-confrontational decision to leave it ALL behind, I chose to let go of any expectations of a financially equitable division. 

I accepted the consequences for my sins. 

Naming serenity and sobriety among my highest priorities, I embraced the solitude and simplicity of being single for the first time since the tender age of fifteen. 

Once the year-long lease was up, I faced the next important life decision. 

After much prayer (*Philippians 4:6–7), seeking wise counsel (Proverbs 11:14) and careful consideration, I made the decision to move in with my aging mother (Dad had recently passed in 2018). 

The hope was to assist her and save up enough money to hopefully purchase my own home again someday. So I moved back home with my Mom, back into my childhood home out in the country.

Then it happened. 

COVID happened. 

The world shut down. 

My heart was still broken. 

(And maybe still is to this day… I honestly don’t know if one ever gets over divorce completely.) 

Living with my Mom and working remotely as required during the worldwide pandemic, I took daily nature walks around her neighborhood. 

Why I Believe 

In all the prayer and meditation walks, I was reminded each day that I was never alone (Hebrews 13:5). 

Jesus walked with me, redeemed me, and healed me. 

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17 NIV 

The peace that passes understanding enveloped me during that **Shalom season of healing. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  *Philippians 4:7 NIV 

**Shalom (שלום) is a rich Hebrew word meaning far more than just “peace”; it signifies wholeness, completeness, harmony, well-being, and flourishing, encompassing health, prosperity, and tranquility in all aspects of life, used as a greeting (hello/goodbye) and a deep blessing for holistic flourishing (AI overview). 

Since my 40+ days wandering the wilderness with Jesus in 2020, part of my redemption story includes the gift of a new marriage, as a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) forgiven and FREE indeed! 

As mentioned earlier in this piece, this was not my only “born again” (John 3:3) moment. 

God has saved my life repeatedly. 

By the grace-of-God, I have come-to-Jesus each time I have humbly come to the end of myself, my ego, and my pride, and fallen on my knees at his feet, to Be Still and Know (Psalm 46:10). 

O Come to the Altar lyrics by Elevation Worship 2016 

Are you hurting and broken within? Overwhelmed by the weight of your sin? Jesus is calling Have you come to the end of yourself?Do you thirst for a drink from the well? Jesus is calling

O come to the altar The Father’s arms are open wide Forgiveness was bought with The precious blood of Jesus Christ

Leave behind your regrets and mistakes Come today there’s no reason to wait Jesus is calling Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy From the ashes a new life is born Jesus is calling, oh

O come to the altar The Father’s arms are open wide Forgiveness was bought with The precious blood of Jesus Christ

O come to the altar The Father’s arms are open wide Forgiveness was bought with The precious blood of Jesus Christ

Oh what a savior Isn’t He wonderful? Sing Hallelujah, Christ is risen Bow down before Him For He is Lord of all Sing Hallelujah, Christ is risen

Rather than go into the details of those other eternal life-altering moments, I will simply leave you with this worship song linked above.

Perhaps I will share my “testimony” story with you another time. 

Until next time, happy reading and sweet story time dreams. 

© 2026 Nora Gwen. Want more content like this? Explore more articles in the Why We Believe series.