New Age to Jesus Christ: How I Found True Peace

A testimony of searching, deception, and grace

In my 20 years of life, I have gone through many changes in my spiritual beliefs. From being a ‘Christian’ as a child, but not really knowing what it meant, to not believing in God, to considering myself ‘spiritual’ but not Christian, and now, the present: considering myself a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.

It is crazy to think about all the changes in my spiritual lifestyle within two decades. It is crazy to think about how much has happened in just a decent amount of time. Time has always been strange to me, and especially so when I reflect on spirituality. Lately I’ve been having a lot of faith challenges: I’ve had some smart thinkers debate me on the evidence of Christianity– and they’ve made a lot of good points.

I think a challenged faith is healthy: it helps one grow stronger and think more critically about who and what they are following. While I don’t have all the answers, and certainly never will, I continue to do research– hoping that my faith isn’t a lie.

As of now, I continue to pray and dive deeper into research and His Word. And as I do this, I can’t help but reflect on my past with spirituality. My faith has never been this strong, and I do think that is something to hold onto. So without further ado, here’s a bit of my spiritual history up until now.

Growing Up ‘Christian’ But Not At The Same Time

My childhood experience was pretty common among many Christians. I was baptized as a baby, but never attended church as a child. I never had a full Bible; I only had a pocket New Testament that was given to me by family friends. I rarely opened it– I think one time I did because I was curious, but the language in the Bible was too confusing for me to understand, so I closed it and went on my merry way (lol).

I was a child; I was not concerned with who God was or what would happen after I died.

I was much more concerned with playing outside and the natural curiosities children have.

I had a wonderful childhood. I am not angry whatsoever that I didn’t go to church or read the Bible… I truly think this was God’s plan for me, not to be a devoted follower from the start, but to grow into it as an adult.

Atheism? Only When It Was Convenient

As I grew older into middle school and the beginning of high school, I claimed not to believe in God. Again, I wasn’t extremely concerned with all of the details, but my brain was definitely more developed than before. I recall having a conversation with a friend about God around this time: we came to the agreement that we didn’t want to believe in God because, after all, slavery and genocide existed. I couldn’t possibly believe in a God that would allow violence.

So, I went on my way, unbothered (for the most part) and didn’t believe in God. I was too caught up in my popularity in school, my grades, and the friends I was making. But what’s curious is that while I claimed not to believe in God, at any minor inconvenience I had, I would immediately shed that skin and pray to God. I kind of laugh about it now… I remember my prayers going something like this: “God.. I know I said I didn’t believe in you… But I really need help with this problem in my life. Please help me out… I’m struggling, and I need this.”

Of course, I’m sure those weren’t my exact words, but they were pretty similar. I often feared that God would hate me because of this. I feared He wouldn’t want to help me because I had ignored Him, but I’m glad to know that I was so wrong.

Becoming A Part Of The New Age

Moving forward, my freshman year of high school was a huge turning point in my life.

I became more self-aware, and I also began struggling more and more mentally.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety in my life, but in high school, it ramped up.

Although I LOVED freshman year, it was also a year filled with many, many challenges.

Everything started changing in early November, when I started to have darker thoughts concerning my life. I had thoughts such as “every day feels the same”, “I feel like I’m living the same day on repeat”, “what if I just died right now?” I never had active suicidal thoughts at this time, but I definitely began to have some passive ones, such as the last question.

I wouldn’t consider myself depressed, but I definitely wasn’t my normal self, if that makes sense. Additionally, my anxiety started getting pretty bad to the point where I would ask to skip school. I wasn’t taking care of myself, and I often sat in bed scrolling on social media.

Spiritual, Not Religious

This is what partially led me to a very big spiritual change in my life. It was on Christmas Day (maybe Christmas Eve?) that I received Doreen Virtue’s “Archangel Oracle Cards." I had someone close to me who introduced me to them– way back when I was in eighth grade. I was absolutely fascinated by these cards, and they seemed to resonate a lot, especially because the day that I first used them, I was bullied on the bus by a kid much bigger and stronger than me.

The cards I pulled resonated deep within me. I felt comforted by them, and I even prayed to the angels listed on them. Although at that time I claimed not to believe in God or spiritual powers, I prayed anyway. Flash forward to my freshman year in high school, I once again pulled those cards when visiting the person close to me.

Again, the cards resonated, and I felt seen. So, I asked her to gift me them for Christmas.

Everything changed when I received those cards. I began to become more interested in tarot and oracle cards– feeling that what I pulled showed truth in my life (and for some parts, it absolutely did).

Coincidentally, on TikTok, the new age movement was becoming more popular. I would often see videos of influencers pulling cards, meditating, and charging crystals. And on Christmas Day of 2020, I began to meditate. I absolutely loved it.

It calmed my nerves, helped with anxiety, and helped me feel more grounded and thoughtful. I also learned about “shadow work,” which basically was writing down answers to deep, insightful prompts that revealed character insights, past traumas, and behavioral reactions. On my birthday of that year, I received crystals and charged them with intentions and often carried them around with me.

I believe at this time, I was on what you would call a spiritual high. I was so excited to be doing something unique and very, very different from the ‘mundane’ high school life I was in.

I began to be highly involved with the new age movement, but instead of calling it that, I was ‘spiritual,’ not religious. I began to manifest, read new age/spiritual self-help books, and I won’t lie, my life changed A LOT.

When It All Started Falling Apart

Before I go into the doubts I started experiencing, I do want to admit that this kind of spirituality did change me in many ways, both negative and positive. For starters, I became a lot more mature and kinder, and I actually discovered many root problems from my past.

I definitely became more insightful about myself and the world, and because of this, I became more confident.

While these qualities are still with me today (for the most part), the spiritual high subsided after three to four months. I started feeling exhausted… I felt dragged down by all of the things I was doing. I had so many things; it was getting overwhelming. I felt that I was overanalyzing every single thing about myself and others. I felt like I was my own therapist, and I felt like I was a therapist to my friends.

I started to believe that I knew more about others than they knew about themselves. I absolutely hated feeling that way, and my anxiety actually got a lot worse during this time.

While it initially subsided when I was first drawn to the new age, it came back in waves, usually each time it worsened. This kind of spirituality helped my problems in the short-term, but they always got worse in the long-term (new age is well known to cater to the human desire for immediate gratification).

I also noticed that I drifted away from many of my friends… I often felt extremely lonely in high school because of this. This kind of spirituality began to make me feel more superior to others, and because of that, I would end friendships over tiny things I disliked about my friends. If they had very different lifestyles from my own, they would be out of my life.

If they did something that my spirituality didn’t agree with, I would distance myself from them. To put it plainly, I was picky, and not in a good way.

I thought this was better for me at the time, but now I realize it has caused me more anxiety and more issues with making strong friendships. It’s gotten better, but I still struggle with the implications of this past issue. Another issue I had during this time was that I was extremely paranoid. I prayed to the ‘divine’ rather than God or Jesus because I believed that the divine included all of the gods, goddesses, and the earth/universe.

I had a very hard time meditating and pulling cards because I often feared that demons would intrude. So, I always envisioned a large protection bubble around me… but it never would help me feel better. What’s interesting is that when I would meditate, I would often see strange figures/illusions that were dark and evil-looking. I often waved them off, thinking that it was just a trick of the light on my closed eyes… but it didn’t matter where I would be, or if the lights were off, I would see them.

I also felt that I had to speak a protective ‘claim’ into existence whenever I woke up or was about to meditate. This was definitely tied into OCD (which I’ve had since I was younger), and I never truly felt safe or protected when involving myself with the ‘divine.’ I was also very impulsive and all over the place.

Not too long ago, I read some journal entries from my old notebooks/computer from this time, and my words were frantic and paranoid. Even some of my old Medium articles expressed this (some are still up). To an outsider, it looked like I was having a manic episode.

I do not have bipolar disorder, but I genuinely seemed unwell. To put it plainly: I was extremely paranoid during this part of my life, and it stressed me out very, very badly.

I had many ebbs and flows while in this spiritual phase; sometimes I would be very disciplined: meditate, pull cards, shadow work, etc. And other times I was too exhausted to do anything. While it was originally fun, it became a chore. I often would reminisce about the days when it was fun and exciting, even getting teary and emotional over it.

I wanted to go back into the past so badly… because somehow I knew I would never get that back. As time went on, I slowly got rid of my crystals, cards, and books. I still considered myself ‘spiritual,’ but I was not a fan of all the materials that were a part of the brand.

God Was Moving

It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I began to question this spirituality.

Now, I’m going to segue a bit. If you’re familiar with Doreen Virtue, she used to be a spiritual medium. She created the angel cards that I first received, and I also had many other cards/books of hers.

In my senior year, I was very close to a Christian friend of mine. I have known her since middle school, and became very close to her at that time. She invited me to church, and while I was obviously okay with her being a Christian, I felt uncomfortable with the religion and the church. Because of this, I started thinking more critically about the new age community.

Crazily enough, I remembered that Doreen Virtue became a born-again Christian, and she ditched the new age community. I started researching more about this transformation, and I even listened to her podcast about it on YouTube. While I listened to it, I was very stubborn and disagreed with her points. But, at the same time, something in me told me to continue to listen and research. I began searching more about Christianity, and I also wanted to know why Christians were against the new age.

I looked at Reddit posts, blogs, and websites, reading different opinions on the matter. I mostly remember many of them equating new age spirituality to Satan. I recall feeling very convicted at this point. I didn’t believe in Satan or sin, but something in me kept telling me to keep an open mind. While I didn’t change my opinion right in that moment, this was a crucial point where seeds were planted.

Later in mid-January, my good Christian friend published a book about Jesus, titled “Jesus, It’s You.” Of course, I read the book, and what’s crazy is that it totally planted seeds within me. I was still involved with the new age, but this book opened my eyes to how much simpler life is with Jesus.

After reading her book, I prayed to Him and Him alone (for a short amount of time before I went back to the ‘norm’), but I noticed a huge difference. I felt much safer, more protected, and it just felt simple! After years of praying paranoidly and exhaustingly, I actually felt calm and safe. I had no idea why, but I did.

And a few months after, a different friend of mine got baptized, and I went to watch it.

Originally, I felt very stubborn about going, and on the way, I complained about the hypocrisy of Christians. This new age spirituality made me very hostile to Christianity, and while I accepted those in the faith, I personally vowed to not be apart of it.

However, when I went to the church to witness her baptism, I immediately felt tears in my eyes during the ceremony. I also fought hard (like really hard, y’all) not to cry when they sang in worship. I had no idea why I was having this sort of reaction: I was hostile towards Christianity and its people. I had no reason to feel emotional about any of it.

I believe this moment also planted seeds within my soul. Of course, I still considered myself to be ‘spiritual.’

Finding Jesus — The Present

A couple of months after her baptism, I graduated and went off to college. The first few months were rough, but I adjusted. I barely had the time or energy to involve myself with the new age, and I am glad I didn’t bother with it.

If you haven’t read my testimony… now’s the time to do so because it fits within this story.

As I mentioned in it, I was depressed during this huge change in my life. I did have active suicidal thoughts, and if I wasn’t so afraid of the pain/or the implications of a failed attempt (of suicide), I honestly think I would have done it.

I found Jesus in the most random time of my life… literally an hour before I was about to go partying at school. I had never had such bad suicidal thoughts until that night, and He met me where I was and took them away. He answered my initial stubbornness with mercy, and when I finally asked Him for help, He responded with grace.

He took all of the thoughts away, and you wouldn’t believe how relieved I was to go to sleep that night, not thinking about how awful I felt or having to ignore how I wanted to die. I do believe in miracles, and this definitely was one. And clearly, my life changed from there onwards. Obviously, my faith has been challenged, but I seriously have never had this strong a faith at any time in my life.

I’ve tried so many things: the ‘somewhat’ Christian, partially an atheist?, new age, and now I’m here. Nothing else has made me as grounded or secure in my sense of myself and the world. And Jesus genuinely is the only one who has given me such a solid foundation.

I still have issues. I struggled A LOT this school year. I definitely did have a spiritual high when I first came to Him, and it wore off in my second year of college. But instead of feeling exhausted, I actually wanted to go to Him, and I felt relieved. I’ve never felt like praying to Him or talking to Him is a chore.

I was just thinking last night, how grateful I am to not feel paranoid anymore. I feel safe, simple, and complete in Him. I don’t have to pretend like I’m hot you-know-what with Him.

I’m just me… and that’s perfectly fine because Jesus is here and He’s not going anywhere.

A Changed Perspective

I just want to finish this article by explaining some extra things. I do not think I am better than anyone else. I don’t think I am better than the atheists, agnostics, new agers, or any other people from different religions. I’ve been humbled a lot since I’ve surrendered to God.

Jesus and His word have called me out on my poor behavior… and always will. I straight up know that most of the people I surround myself with don’t agree with me. But I take that as an opportunity for growth rather than being a brat about it. I will not distance myself from anyone who disagrees with me, unless it becomes genuinely unhealthy or dangerous for either of us.

Because I’ve switched up my spiritual lifestyle so much, I understand what it feels like to be a part of those different communities. I definitely don’t have it all right either. While this post isn’t really trying to convince you of anything, it is more a reflection on the spiritual changes in my life.

And to my atheists/agnostics reading this, I know y’all might find everything in here ridiculous, especially if you don’t believe in spiritual powers whatsoever. I wanted to explain why I am where I am, especially to those who really don’t understand. Who knows where I will be in a couple of years? Some may argue that I may move on to the next big thing, but I do hope that I stay as a devoted follower of Jesus.

I’ve never been more challenged, uncomfortable, and curious about life. This should theoretically push me away from Him, right? But for some reason, millions of others and I continue to pick up their crosses and follow Him. My faith is stronger than it ever has been, and I don’t feel scared anymore. I truly do believe He is the way, truth, and life.

© 2026 Sienna Krieg. 

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📖 Recommended Read: Mikiyas Astatke explores how the gospel ends the endless chase for hidden spiritual knowledge in A Christian Response to New Age Spirituality: What a $5 Million Dollar Book Burning Reveals

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