From the Force to Faith: A Journey to the Real God

Introduction

An obsession with a particular film may not be because the film itself is that good, but because something about it resonates deeply with what the viewer is longing for or searching for. In my case, it was my longing to find God, even though I didn’t know it at the time.

Background

It was May 1977, and I was living alone in a room at the Cheshire Bridge motel in Atlanta. I was 22 years old, drinking a lot, and doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. I had always been a loner, and the fear of people kept me that way. To find comfort, I went to the movies often to escape my intense loneliness. When the first Star Wars movie came out in theatres, I was ecstatic because I had always loved science fiction movies with a lot of action. There was something about this movie that kept me coming back to see it.

The Father-figure and Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan Kenobi, explained the “Force” to Luke Skywalker (his protégé and Jedi Knight wannabe). He said it was an “energy field created by all living things” that “surrounds us and penetrates us” and “binds the galaxy together. That’s when I said to myself, “That’s it, I finally understand what God is!”

The long road ahead

So, even though I had discovered a mystical power that could supposedly infuse me with strength like the Jedi Knights, I had to wonder, could it also: answer my prayers, give me guidance, protect me, give me hope, and love me? I’m here to tell you that the “Force” did none of those things. In fact, my life got much worse during that time. I spent many more years chasing money, success, love, purpose, and meaning, and ended up as a desperate alcoholic.

Finally, in March 1997, I hit bottom. At 41, I had had enough of life and wanted it to end.

That was when the real God stepped in and saved me. I didn’t become a Christian at that time, but the foundation stones had been laid, and I began to see clearly for the first time in many years. I was led to a program that helped me dry out, learn who I had become, and gave me hope that I didn’t have to stay that way.

The program I was in emphasized the absolute necessity of finding a “higher power” that could give me the strength to live without drinking. In the first six months, I had surrendered to this power greater than myself. One day, I got on my knees and said, “God, I see where my best thinking has brought me to this point of despair. If there is a better way to live, I’m ready to listen. Please show me what it is.” Apparently, He did because I’ve been sober ever since that day (29 years later).

The turning point

Over the next five years, I went back to school and earned a Bachelor of Science in Management Information Systems. I also moved to Memphis, Tennessee, got a decent job, and got married. However, something still felt unfinished within me. I wasn’t satisfied with a “higher power” anymore, one that, according to the program, could be anything I wanted it to be, even a doorknob! My husband and I started attending a Presbyterian Church, and I started reading the Bible. That’s where I discovered the real God!

I sensed that what I was missing in believing in a “higher power” was a relationship.

Scripture showed me that a loving, personal God existed who answered all the big questions I’d been asking, such as “Why am I here?” “Does anyone love me?” “Is there any meaning in all the suffering and evil in the world?”, and “Is good really stronger than evil?”

So, I surrendered again, this time to a “Person” instead of to a “Force."

A few years later, my husband and I moved to a small town about a hundred miles east of Memphis and got baptized together at a small country church. I began to feel joy, meaning, and purpose in my life through worship with like-minded believers.

Conclusion

Rewatching the first Star Wars movie repeatedly became a kind of unspoken prayer to find “something more” in life than mere existence and survival. The Bible describes this search plainly:

God has set eternity in the human heart. (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NASB)

The movie awakened a hunger to fill the emptiness in my soul, but it couldn’t fully satisfy it. Thankfully, I have the real God to thank, praise, and worship for fully satisfying that hunger.

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13, ESV)

I’m grateful for the program for making me look at myself. It was a necessary discipline and still is. I’m grateful for the movie because it comforted me during an extremely difficult time in my life, and it started me on my search for the true, living God.

© Debra Hodges